Thomson Tyne Tours
~Back in 1665 the Bubonic Plague had been brought to the village in a flea-infested bundle of cloth that was delivered to tailor George Viccars from London. Similarly, in 2007 the Financial Plague was brought to Newcastle in a flea-infested bundle of mortgage securities delivered to banker Adam Applegarth from London. Within months these places were deserted ~
The North East welcomes you to the Econapocalypse Centre!
Taking inspiration from Eyam, the home of the Black Death, we’ve turned the Tyne-Tees region into a brand new theme park where we invite you and your family to spend a week within the annals of capitalistic history.
eyebrows
You’ll disembark at Middlesbrough, where you’ll be able to exchange your Yuan for freshly printed ‘Darling Dollars’. This fun currency sports a holographic British chancellor on the front, whose hair and eyebrows alternate between black and white as you twist the note.
Once inside the park you’ll be taken by open-top bus to the local Steelworks, which shuts down at 10am every day. Thousands of our best street performers and homeless will re-enact walkouts, picket lines, street riots and more, all ending in a spectacular display of firebombing!
The following day and it’s all aboard the ‘ghost tram’ which travels through the former pit villages. Be afraid, be very afraid as meth-heads leap out from nowhere and SCREAM. Watch out for those bricks folks *bang* ha ha, don’t worry, our reinforced windows will keep those kids out, it’s all part of the show!
smackhead
Once in Newcastle, take a walk down the high streets and see our world famous plastic retail stores and waxwork shoppers. Several souvenir (‘pawn‘) shops are still open, and here you’ll find plenty of bargain basement products to take back home, where they were made.
Why not visit the Northern Rock museum? Audio accompaniment is provided. Hear the whole lunatic plan being discussed in the boardroom right down to the very last Geordie shouting “give me my fucking MONEY!”. All faithfully reproduced for your amusement.
Final day is the ‘handing of the bailout” ceremony. Exchange your unspent Darlings back to Yuan. The theme park staff all dressed in their splendid blue and white collar uniforms are then given these Darlings by officials. They in turn hand them to the unemployed townsfolk, who make a pile and burn it all, followed by much dancing and dogging.
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There are literally thousands of excellent hotels and brand new city living apartments to choose from. Book now!
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